House Calls
by NavynBabyBlueSuedeShoes
Summary: Beast Boy has contracted a mysterious disease and must be taken immediately to the vet! But is this doctor really trying to heal his illness? Or make it worse! Plenty of Pairings and Cuddly Scenes! R&R! RaeBB, StarRob, CyNurse
1. Phlegm

**__**

House Calls

By: _NavynBabyBlueSuedeShoes_

General Overview: Beast Boy has contracted a mysterious disease and must be taken immediately to the vet! But is this doctor _really_ trying to heal his illness? Or make it worse?! Plenty of Pairings and Cuddly Scenes! Read and Review, or else I go ballistic with the tranquilizers, people!!!

WARNING: THIS IS A RAE/BB FIC, IF YOU DO NOT ENJOY RAE/BB FICS, THEN YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO READ THIS. IF YOU DETEST THIS PARTICULAR PAIRING, THEN I ASK THAT YOU NOT FLAME ME, AS YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A FAIR WARNING. THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY.

This story is dedicated to Suzaku's Rose, one o' my pals, who is really awesome at poetry, loves Rae/BB, dedicates possibly a million poems to me, and needs to go get a guy! A Toast to you, Lynn! Hope your Love Life is a success one day! :D Peace out.

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans, and luckily haven't previously owned the chicken pox, but I will someday…that is…if I ever recover from my bout with Bubonic Plague…Oh man, I think I'm gonna hurl!

Chapter One: Phlegm

An angular yet husky figure garbed in a dark business suit and sable tie, stalked along the moonlit path of Protector Pkwy. His feet, covered by large, black loafers, moved in swift, elongated strides. He flashed past the quay where various boats and fishing vessels were moored, never ceasing, and his pace steady and resolute.

A young couple, their flushed faces hidden in the semi-darkness, giggled rather foolishly. The young man suddenly noticed the older and gestured a thumb at his debonair briefcase. Young Miss, rather impressed and overly curious, whispered to her mate that he would make a decent target for a mugger.

The stranger obviously heard, for his eyes flashed threateningly behind the ominous shades, and bulging biceps flexed like bursting melons beneath the tight overcoat.

The lady gasped and gripped the young lad's shoulder for protection.

The figure halted in front of a rather imposing edifice. Not just any old building, no, this was Titans Tower: the famed Headquarters of Jump City's prime crime-fighting heroes. The man's steely grey eyes leered dangerously at the "T," and his grip on the polished ebony handle of his parcel tightened until his knurly knuckles went white, and the veins across the back of his hand pulsed ever so slowly.

It was clear that someone in this building was to be greatly detested.

Gently, he swung the leather-paneled briefcase to his torso, settling it in place with a hardened hand; callused and toughened. He flipped the gold-plated latches on the side, and finally, his broad fingers slipped over the little round disc in the middle. There was an insignia on it. But what symbol it bore on its silver layers is a mystery we will unravel later on. The lid undone, the mysterious briefcase was revealed to actually be a wireless laptop, it's cover as black and inky as its carrier.

The man booted-up the thin piece of technology, a logo flashed on the front, with the same insignia on the briefcase latch, and a few words in a mechanical typeface appeared on the otherwise blank screen:

INITIATING GPS MODE

PLEASE WAIT, SYSTEM IS LOADING…

And after a five-second wait, a homepage appeared, the familiar insignia, and finally a little panel for this stranger to type in his identity and password:

Username: Morti Caress

Password:

Welcome, Morti Caress!

You have new e-mail!

Ignoring the salutation and the announcement, the stranger clicked on a button labeled, "X-Ray Target." Instantly, a small lens appeared on the back of the briefcase, and the man secured the glasses over his eyes even further up the bridge of his nose as there was a flash of white light. A picture appeared on the screen. There were infrared images, x-ray images, CT scans, and coordinates. The man selected the pictures of the coordinates. Zooming in, he chose the infrared scans and overlapped them with the coordinates. Five sleeping organisms were in five separate areas.

Sneering, he pulled from the depths of his jacket, a little box. It was adorned with class: silver crepe paper was spread and folded crisply over the corners, and a silk ribbon of ivy green was twined over and over, with a final embellishing and elegant bow at the top. What it contained was as vague as the galaxy's wonders. He waltzed to the step, and laid it gently on the cool concrete surface.

Then, he stepped back and surveyed his work. The winds picked up and lashed around his sinewy legs, a gust whipped the skin on his forehead. His upturned collar was hardly enough to hide the harshly scarred and rough features that dashed along his coarse skin. He was about middle-aged, but his health was marvelous, and his mid-life crisis had not yet affected him. The man's face contorted into a simpering flout, reeking of sinister intentions at each pinched corner of his revolting mouth. Suddenly, his chapped lips parted, and a croaking voice erupted from the hollows of his throat.

"Soon I shall have the formula," he rasped, "and then I will be invincible. Not even _you_ can stop me…"

It was a pleasant day. At least, pleasant enough to leave the windows open. The sunlight was streaming in, and a flocculent breeze was ruffling the curtains. Outside, the waves were lapping at the shore, and the gulls were crying lithely for food, their shrieks blending in with the crash of sea spray on the rocks that lined the shore. Miraculously, no one felt like going out.

Beast Boy was sprawled in front of the 72" Plasma screen, his mouth hanging open, a glob of spittle slowly making its way down his chin. Wide-eyed, he looked on blankly at the TV, "America's Top Model" flashing by. His tough, pink tongue drooped out and jerked in a nervous pant as a particularly attractive blonde hussy strutted across the catwalk in the latest spring fashion.

The couch lay forlorn in the background, and a few cokes were abandoned on their coasters at the coffee table.

Raven entered the living room, her cape billowing around her ankles as she strode smoothly across the deep red, (and stained), carpet and sat down in her favorite leather armchair by the window. She adored it particularly because Beast Boy detested the leather…not to mention the goose down stuffing. She was about to open Stephen King's latest hardback when she caught sight of Beast Boy. Her eyes swept over him in one glance, but the rest of her expression remained as stony as before, "You are the single most ugly thing I have ever laid eyes upon. And believe me, I've seen _plenty_ of ugly things."

You see, Beast Boy was not just sprawled in front of the TV in any old fashion. No, he was a pug. A green pug with a snub nose and wrinkly face and a wagging tail that curled like a lock of thick hair and huge black eyes that reflected the screen. His forepaws were perched on the table that held the TV and his—er—masculine exterior glands were showing in broad daylight.

Beast Boy morphed back to his original human formed and eye her. "Yo, you know, maybe I should hold an Animal Rights Protest on the front lawn! My dildo will hang out whenever I want it to! I got the right to masturbate! It's a Free Country, dude!" he folded his arms over his chest and put on his clown frown.

Raven licked the tip of her finger and flipped the page, "Yes, all MEN are created equal. I don't remember anything in the Constitution that regarded the liberties of animals."

"You seriously need to get a grip and stop reading so much."

"You could at least have the decency to attend to your masculine necessities out of the public eye."

Beast Boy opened his mouth to protest, but Starfire zoomed in, and announced to the general public, "There is a unique parcel roosting on our front step! Shall I acquire the attention of Robin and Cyborg? Or would you rather divulge this package's contents without their assistance?"

"Package? Weird! Whatever, yeah, go get them Star." Beast Boy shooed her off with a wave of his hand.

Raven laid her book on the coffee table and hovered over the couch to the entrance. The monitor was on. She analyzed the box. It was an elaborate little get-up, that was for sure. But she couldn't see much of it from this angle.

Cyborg came in, holding a part of the T-Car's engine in his hand with an oily rag. Robin followed close behind, animated in conversation with Starfire. He stopped short when he saw the monitor.

"So, this is our mystery gift, huh?"

"Yeah, looks like it, Rob." Cyborg set the part down cautiously on the counter, and wiped his hands off with the rag.

"Yes, I recently noticed its presence in our proximity a few minutes ago."

"Are we gonna open it or what?" Beast Boy opened the door and picked it up in his hands. The reaction from the Titans was gripping.

Cyborg looked like he was going to faint, Robin's hair stood on end so much, it looked like he had been electrocuted, Starfire's eyes widened to twice their size, and Raven flung out a hand and encased the box in a force field.

Beast Boy jumped and let it hover in midair. "Dudes, what is your problem?!"

Robin was only too happy to supply the answer, "You jackass! You nearly killed us all!"

"Not to mention scared the living hell out of everyone!" Cyborg grasped Beast Boy by the collar and leered at him.

"Whoa, big fella! I didn't do anything! I only wanted to open it! That's all!"

"Yes, but you almost annihilated us in the process!" Starfire breathed in relief.

"What are you freaks talking about?!" Cyborg let him fall to the ground with a thud, and Beast Boy rubbed his bottom.

Raven spoke up, "She _means_, there could've been a bomb in this thing."

"Huh?"

"Remember the last time we got a package, Beast Boy? It was from the Puppet King, and we all ended up inside little wooden bodies and had to Riverdance for all the little kids at the two-thirty show! Now, just think of what might be in this one?!"

"Alright! I get the point, Cy! Chill already! At least let's see what it _IS_."

Cyborg looked to Robin, and got the go-for-it signal. Shaking his head, the android set the box on the counter, and everyone gathered around. He shone a light straight on the silver-clad patient and began his work. Painstakingly, he used little razors to slit away at the tape, then Raven removed the wrapper completely. Beast Boy, a goat, got to confiscate all the paper in his stomach, lazily munching away. Starfire was poised and at the ready, her starbolts aimed at whatever phantom was contained within. There was a little wooden box.

Robin looked at it carefully then announced, "Mahogany."

Cyborg nodded and carefully undid the lid, while Starfire's eyes started blazing again. There was nothing but shadowy darkness. The five Titans leaned in…and—**_WHAM_**!!!

Out popped a writhing serpent, its powerful body curving with immense force, the muscles under its streamlined scales flexing powerfully, it reared its ugly head, poised, the deadly assassin, ready to strike within a moment's notice, yellow fangs sprouting from a vicious, unmerciful mouth!

The Titans gave a horrified howl of terror! Starfire shrieked and grasped at Robin's shoulder! Cyborg yelled and started blasting it with his Sonic Cannon! Robin leaped back and started lashing at the snake with his BO Staff! Beast Boy was screaming madly, waving his arms in front of his face! And Raven…well…Raven stood there calmly, without a care in the world…as the confetti streamed down on the five teens.

"It's a fake snake."

"AHHH!!!"

"It's not real."

"NO! I DO NOT WISH TO BE DEVOURED BY SUCH AN UNSIGHTLY MONSTROSITY!!!"

"It won't hurt you."

"DIE! DIE!! DIE!!!"

"It can't die."

"PLEASE NO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!"

"**_SHUT-UP_**!!!" Raven snarled.

The Titans froze in place.

She stalked over to the box, grasped the crispy reptile by its neck, and yanked the whole length of multi-colored rubber from its container. She was right. It was a rubber snake. They had been suckered.

Robin looked at the prank python in disbelief. If this whole thing was meant to give them a scare…No, it couldn't be. He brushed away a layer of confetti and found it.

The others peered over his shoulder.

He held five packets of instant-drink mix. Each was a different kind. And of the finest…ahem…powder. They were color-coded. There was a card taped to the bottom of the box, with a dainty floral pattern around the edges:

My Dearest Titans:

My deepest regrets if any of you were frightened by my surprise! I thought you might enjoy a little jest now and then! Just to cheer your spirits!

Speaking of spirits, I've enclosed a little something. No, no! Not REAL spirits. Rather, your favorite beverages! Yes, you will find that they are sealed in little packets. Thought I'd send some good health your way by toasting you!

Oh, no need to dispose of these! They aren't rigged, if that's what you assume! I am but a humble citizen awaiting your diagnosis of my brews! Take these as a token of my appreciation for what you have done to improve the general welfare of this delinquent-plagued city!

Always Appreciative,

A Fellow Citizen

Robin scratched his chin, wondering whether this was a hazard or merely the innocent attempt at a thanks, as the note claimed.

He broke open each of the packets and poured a little into five individual test tubes. Then he handed them to Cyborg.

"Hey, Cy, run these on a scan for me, alright?"

"Yeah sure, bro." Cyborg slipped them into a little tray that extended from his arm. It revolved rapidly, a whirl of dyed dust, and finally a little screen on the android's wrist flashed the results.

"It's clean, y'all. You can chug it."

Raven took hers and stared at it, "Gensing…?"

Beast Boy's was Soy Milk, Cyborg had Mineral Water, (A.N.: yeah, how do they get that in a powder, right?), Robin had Vanilla Bean, Non-Decaffinated, and Star had some peculiar concoction with orange dots and a green base.

She squealed with delight as she read the label, "Harfanian Juice! How extraordinarily considerate this fan-man is!"

"Alright, I'm not even gonna ask what that is…" Beast Boy looked at her, his forehead was puckered up, and his nose scrunched in disgust.

Raven heated up some water and the others set about their own drinks. Starfire and Robin left to go to the docks and watch the waves, and Cyborg went back to the garage with his engine part and mineral water. Beast was chugging his milk and running straight for the TV again, not wanting to miss another moment of Modeling.

Raven stared at him, "I will never comprehend why teens are so obsessed with reality shows."

"Shut it. I'm watching this one girl get her boob job done." Big mistake for one furry monster.

Raven flared up right then and there. No one told her to shut it, especially when they were barely five feet tall, drank Soy Milk, and were wasting precious brain cells on such intelligence quotient diminishing things as reality shows were girls had the audacity to show their mammary glands on national television.

She bared her teeth, and was about to strike when there came a horrendous spluttering sound from the little green perp. She watched as Beast Boy started hacking and coughing, his little green eyes were squinting, and his body trembled, as the tears squeezed themselves from under his lids. He fell to the floor and looked like he was going to gag, but nothing happened. Suddenly, the rasping noises stopped altogether, and Beast Boy just lay there on the ground, writhing in pain. He clutched his throat and tried to breathe.

Raven recognized the Universal Sign for choking at once. All thoughts of wrath disappeared, and her scowl was replaced by a sweeping look of fear and dismay. But she brushed it away and stooped over the boy, curling an arm around his chest and hauling him to his feet.

She stuck a foot between his outspread legs, placed a firm fist between where she presumed his belly-button and ribs would be, and then swung her other arm full around his waist. Then she tugged…hard. But nothing happened. So she did it again, with an upward motion.

Tensions were mounting as Beast Boy's skin started to look blue. She wanted to panic, oh, how she wanted to panic! If he passed out and no one was around! Her communicator was at her waist, but she couldn't go for help! Not now! If she left him, he might never breathe again! As much as she disliked his habits, she didn't want him to die. It was all up to her now. Nothing she could do but keep tugging and hope that he would retch up whatever it was that was blocking his airways. But no matter how hard she tried, Beast Boy was looking bluer by the minute.

She hastily reached down and pressed the emergency alert button. They had better come. She waited and pulled, but they never responded. Damn! Robin and Starfire, those two fucked up love birds would've wanted some peace and quiet! And so would Cyborg, working on his baby…She felt deserted. Left alone with nothing but a choking boy.

On the brink of despair, she felt a tear gather at her eye. But then she felt a warm hand close around her own and gently stroke her fingers. Looking up, she saw Beast Boy, and although his eyes were layered with distress, she saw, far in the blackness of his pupils, something like pity, but deeper. Unaware that her own eyes were sparkling from her tears, she gave one final pull…so steady and precise that she knew something was bound to give way—and she was right.

Out flew…

Phlegm?!

Yes, it stuck to the screen of the TV, and smeared the picture.

But Beast Boy was breathing again, sighing great gasps of relief, and Raven herself was feeling rather exhausted. They stood there, leaning on each other, taking in the air that life was so gracious to give them. Raven hadn't noticed that her hands were entwined in Beast Boy's own. But she didn't mind. There was a terror in knowing that the lad was nearly through the tunnel. She wasn't very fond of holding a dead corpse, either.

Suddenly, he broke into a fit of coughing again! Raven paled. Beast Boy slumped again, and the girl knelt by his side, "Beast Boy! Can you breathe? Are you choking? Answer me! Are you okay?! He was hacking again, but he could breathe safely. But his breaths came out shallow and fast.

Robin and Starfire walked in, and locked eyes with Raven. She was trying to sit the little green guy up on his back.

"He nearly choked to death." Raven said, her eyes starting to well up again.

Robin rushed to a phone, just as Cyborg came in. He took in the scene with one glance and jostled Raven out of the way. Heaving Beast Boy on his back, he rushed him outside, just as Robin's ambulance pulled around the corner. Starfire took Raven by the hand, and the two swept out like fire and wind, while Robin swore at the white-uniformed paramedics, telling them to get a move on, or he'd send hell on them all. The blaring lights and siren drove Raven near insanity. They foretold dire consequences for the ill. A lady and a man rolled out a stretcher, strapping the croaking Beast Boy down, while the metal wheels and joints screeched their need of oil. The head medic told Robin it was best if he remained at the Tower, but Cyborg threatened to blow his guts out if they didn't see Beast Boy safe. Eventually, he gave in. Raven was the first to get in, followed by Starfire. As Robin and Cyborg shut the doors, Raven stared out the window as the Tower faded around the corner, and they sped off like a fiery chariot on the way to the Jump City Medical Clinic…

A.N.: Whew! What a ride! Well, next chapter will be focusing on the ride and Raven's thoughts, actually! I hope you liked it so far! This is gonna be one loooong fic! So stay tuned and review!

Peace out ppl.

God Bless America!!!


	2. A Quick Explanation

A Quick Explanation…(or you could dub it an Excuse):

Hmm, this is very unprofessional of me, but there was no other alternative way I could utilize to get the word out, other than by profile updates, and obviously, that method wasn't going to do the trick. So, here's a quick notice that I (please?) need you all to read over and bear in mind.

BTW, this'll eventually be replaced with chapter two.

Alright, as you might've noticed, I've been inactive for a while…okay, not a while, half of forever. Or five months…something like that. Okay, so why have I not updated? Basically, there were Summer Study Skills Classes, Vacation in VA, Summer Reading, Art Credits, finding that I have German as a Foreign Language…procrastination—etc, the works.

But don't think that I don't have a guilty conscience. They're the reason why I'm typing this. I've made several attempts at doing chapter two, wasn't satisfied, scratched it, and tried again. But now I'm reconsidering actually writing the plot down…rolls eyes furiously which I should've done in the first place. So now I'm trying to develop it and work in my twisters and curveballs, in addition to working out a not-so-boring-edge-of-your-seat chapter two.

That will take a while. I'm starting High School—not a very good excuse for letting this sit, and juggling the multiple tests and assignments is an unwanted hassle, seeing as how I have that unwanted tendency to put things off...until the last minute. I'll be doing lots of research and trying to organize future fanfics, too. My estimate? Give me at least a month groans, and I'll have completed chapter two, probably touching up the first chapters of other fix, and have a prepared plot at my finger-tips. I know, a month seems like forever, but I'll be working on small projects during the next few weeks, in fact, expect one soon.

Alright, just so you can rub it in my face—today's September 12, 2004. So if I don't have something up by October 12, 2004, you can all flame me. Hell, tie me to a stake and burn me. I've been a b:Dtch, and I deserve it! But don't use gasoline on my clothes, I can't stand that smell. Matches and lighters are welcome. ;)

BTW, some of these should be just right for Halloween…hehe.

Reviewing this is cool with me! But it's disappearing as soon as I get the next chapters up. I WILL be replying to reviewers in the _hopefully_ near future.

One last thing: I haven't reviewed ppl in a long time. I've been reading, but just by lurking standards. You'll have to forgive me, things are chaotic. I'll catch up. I still smirks love you and your thangs. Keep going! :)

Okay, THE last thing: Forgive the un-professionalism of leaving this note and putting everything off. Thnx.

Peace out. Love y'alls to death. God Bless America.


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